Giuseppe the Green, turned to me abruptly. He and his cousin Luca were busy snacking on the Mexican sage and I clearly annoyed them. I always knew katydids were omnivores but it surprised me to see them chomping on the white petals none-the-less. Maybe the this time of season brings a down turn in a carnivore’s food supply. There are fewer insects out and about in the colder weather. Heck, you have practically bribe me these days to get outside myself. On the other hand, maybe he just needed a little extra fiber in his diet. One never really asks these personal questions, especially at the dinner table. He did take an unusual interest in me. Perhaps he considered me as a main course.

This is Luca, Guissepe’s cousin, caught with a mouthful of fusion Italian-Mexican-Californian cuisine, Salvia Bianco. Luca is one of those radical millennial crickets who doesn’t eat anything containing GMOs, pesticides or gluten. Naturally, his diet is totally raw and organic. Today’s crickets belong to a group of strict progressives dieters who probably invented the “Eat This, Not That” trends found all over Internet, such as Paleo, low carb, no grain, no sugar—all those dismal diets lacking instant satisfaction on the opioid brain receptor. But I guess if you’re a cricket who spends the majority of his short, year-long life mating or trying to mate, you’re gonna want to be fit, not gassy. One thing’s for sure, girl crickets don’t dig gassy dudes. They go ga-ga for dudes with big spermatophores (“food gifts” that contain sperm and nutrients for females and off-spring). And that takes a whole lot of raw, organic, GMO-free paleo nutrients. Right after this dish, Luca’s gonna hit the night scene for some action and a different kind of satisfaction.

Jumping Jack Flash
Brute Force Peace Keeper

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