If you told me 10 years ago, I would adopt a lunatic dog from Taiwan with a serious case of crackery-nosis, maybe I would believe you. But if you told me I would be journaling his ridiculous behavior on the Web and writing in his ridiculous tough-guy Raymond Chandler voice, I’d laugh and ask you who the hell Raymond Chandler was.

As far as I’m concerned, Loki wrote the book on crackery. When I got him, I had no idea what I was in for. Blogging about that crackery helped us discover we are not alone, but in a world filled with cracked-out dogs.  And because of that, Wild Dingo, for the second year in a row, is a proud sponsor of Mango Minster, only the hippest, most righteous annual dog show on the Net. This year, all categories are open to all critters, canine, feline, equine, bovine and more. Naturally we sponsor the cracker critters category.

In addition, this year, Loki was honored with being called to Judge the cracker category at Mango Minster.  And as a cracker would do be prone to do, he jumped 87 feet high for joy at the opportunity. Obviously, Loki knows a lot about being a cracker. Just check out his entry for the first year cracker was offered at Mango Minster.

For those out there not familiar with cracker dogs, here are a few photos and videos to demonstrate a few of their fine qualities:

Toof-Showin’ Bitey Face isn’t just a sport. It’s a lifestyle.

Highly and vocally opinionated. 
Um, Dogtor Hilary, don’t look back. There’s an long-toothed Formosanorous Rex behind you. Stay perfectly calm. I hear they will walk away if you just remain still. Or at least shut their pie hole.

Full of sass while they’re trying to look like Cujo.
“Cupcake come any closer and I’ll cancel your Christmas.”

Able to leap to tall tugs in a single bound.
“Your tug, is lifting me higher, than I’ve ever, been lifted, before.” Sing it babies!

Speaking of singing: They usually have an inappropriate crush.
“My momma told me when I was  young, we were all born superstars.”

They have irrational fears.
“You mean to tell me you did ALL THAT WORK just for a drink of water that you could have gotten less than a foot away without any work?”
“Yes but Princess, the Lac Leman-ness Monster is constantly moving that lake and he’s gonna get me!”

And in case  you didn’t know, cracker dogs are a little edgy as the video below will show. Warning, turn down the volume. The cracker is in da house.

I could go on and on about the unexplainable zoomies, non-stop talking, hissyfits and well, just more plain crackery. But I think you get the picture.

Naturally, the show is very competitive, so there are allegations of judge-bribing running rampant among the blogosphere. But here’s Loki’s official response to all of that:

“It’s totally hip-to-the-tip to be called for jury duty at Mango Minster. The cracker category is only the most righteous category in the show. Top of the heap, babies.

Some crackers are born. Some crackers are made. I was born and made a cracker. I was one of the first crackers outted on the ‘Net. And I know all the cracker tricks in the book. Crackery isn’t about blowin’ your jets or losin’ your cool. It’s about flippin’ your wig, chargin’ your choppers and blasting yourself whacky for no reason at all.

Just because I’m a cracker doesn’t mean I don’t have ethics. I got a points system. But it’s under wraps. After all, cracker rules supreme. Chaos is part of the game.

Word on the street is that some judges at Mango Minster are on the take. But not me. This ain’t no flimflam. And I ain’t no goon from Saskatoon. I got morals. They may be low, but they’re morals. And living in Switzerland, I’ve already got friends in the bones and treats bank.

But every hepcat has his price babies. So if you are into bribing, fess up. Throw me a bone in the giggle department. See if I take the bait. 

So don’t let the grass grow in your ears. Get up and hit the crackery high and hard. Give me a large charge with your entry. Then fall in and dig the happenings babies.  Go, cool cat, go!”

***

As his PR agent, I can tell you, I’ve never seen him on the take. He’s cracked-out for sure, but he’s always been loyal and righteous. Sometimes a little too righteous if you catch my drift. Still, it takes a cracker to know a cracker and I’m pretty certain that though I haven’t seen him on the take, only a real cracker dog can flip him to the dark side.

So are you cracker enough to crack the King of Crackers? Go ahead and try. I won’t report you. Honest.

“I’m so famished, I don’t know if I can make it. This looks like a good place to find a few extra calories.”

Two pounds in the past 5 weeks is very slow going. When it comes to weight loss, slower is better. But she’s now on the dreaded weight plateau. It’s really hard to get the scale to start dipping again. So I’m on a mission. I’m determined to get her down to 27 kg. That’s 59.5 lbs. I’ve never been able to get her below 60 lbs. Ideally, I’d love to see her at 58, but I’ll aim low (or in this case higher) and shoot for 59.5. Between her restricted diet and all the jogging and off-leash hikes I’m determined to get her lean and mean.

The Biggest Loser!

Are you a quadraped* who needs to lose a few pounds? Join Juno in her goal to lose those extra pounds. Kick start your spring training and by summer you’ll be in beach-fur-suit shape!

• One Month- One Goal: Lose the most weight possible or reach your desired goal weight.
• Win BIG: The biggest loser will win a toy and a healthy treat from Wild Dingo (Toy and treat to be determined.)
• How to Enter: In the comments section below, enter your name, your current weight and your goal weight.   Weekly weigh-ins are not necessary, but the final weigh-ins are required to be entered in the comments section by May 9, 2011. You may participate in weekly weigh-ins by submitting weight in the comments section in this post. They will be added to the chart in the post below. Juno will be weighing-in at least twice during this contest.
• Contest Runs for 2 month only, March 11-May 9, 2011.*  Contestants can enter at any time during that month.
• Other Rules: Contestants need to lose at least 8% or more of their body weight. Reaching the goal weight within the 4 weeks is not required to win. Please be safe and consult a vet before determining if your pet should lose weight or participating in this contest. Wild Dingo is not responsible for contestants who become ill as a result of (too much) weight loss during this contest. This is for fun. Please use common sense and safety when applying any diet restrictions to your pet’s nutrition.  The ultimate goal is to become much more aware of a healthy weight for your pet and to find an optimal balance between exercisee and diet. Wild Dingo reserves the right to change the rules to protect the saftey of the participants.
• One more thing:  Please go SLOW! I don’t expect Juno to reach her goal weight in 4 weeks.
• *Contest open to all canine and felines. Bi-peds need not apply!

“I’m a lean, mean, eating-machine! Donnez-moi le baguette du pain avec beaucoup de beurre si vous plait!”

The Biggest Loser Progress Chart

Contestant	Starting Weight : Goal Weight	Week 2 Mar 28	Week 4 April 11	Week 6 April 25	Week 8 May 9	Total #s Lost
Juno	Start: 30kg/63.8 lbsGoal: 27kg/59.5 lbs	28.7 (wk2) 28.3 (wk3)	28.3 kg	28.0
Khumbu	Start: 33.6kgGoal: 27kg
Bruno	Start: 69 kgGoal: 68 kg

Wait, it’s my yoga block. And it’s in the foyer. Hmm.  I don’t remember leaving it there. In fact, this is where it should be:

…right next to it’s partner yoga block in my bibliothèque du burreau (office bookshelf). I know I left it there.  Khyra pointed out that maybe I should put my “khrap” away. As if it were that easy. As you can see, I keep a fairly neat house and as it is,  my shelves, that would normally hold books, are empty. My brand new bibliotehque is useless. All because we harbor a criminal who takes things like books and now yoga blocks off the shelves and has her way with them.

Above is another item that fell into the fate of the Siberian jaws about a month ago. It’s a lovely Ikea lamp we purchased for a dead space in the living room. She had her way with it when we were in our cultural training in September during a lunch break with the teachers. The lamp wasn’t even out of the box or assembled. She opened the box, took out the paper lamp and destroyed it. For the record, that box was stacked on other boxes and she had to drag it off and away from all the other heavy boxes. So that lovely lamp is now zip-tied together at the top (thank you Mr. Wild Dingo, Martha Stewart would be proud) and demoted to the basement. Thanks to the Sibe, that lamp illuminates our path to her dinner every day. To think I was ready to remind–while mocking–you all that she had also eaten my passport last year as well.  I guess the joke’s on me, huh?

“Hey mom, can you buy me a bigger foyer rug so that I can neatly confine my mastications in one area? Thanks.”

So Juno made it to 9 days and 20 hours since the Dansko’s arrived. You’ll note that my old Dansko’s are also in the crime scene. They’ve been demoted to dog yard shoes. She has since attacked them two more times since that first time. Last night, I admittedly did not put them in another room as I usually do and bolt the door, instead I hid them far under the armoire to the left. As you can see, she found them.  But since these are not the Dansko’s in the bet, they do not count in this Dankso Pool. However, this does count as her first mastication since the Dankso Pool Bet began because here is the damage she inflicted:

As you can see the yoga block has been violated with Siberian teeth, counting as the first mastication event since the beginning of the bet.

The Herd has this saying, “A tired Sibe is a good Sibe.” Well I’m here to tell you, there’s no such thing as a good Sibe, tired or not. You see, yesterday, this Sibe went on a 3-hour hike to St. Prex from our house. There was no question that we were all tired when we got home. I, myself, barely had the energy to get ready for dinner, so I know she was tired. Regardless of her fatigue, and regardless of how neat we keep the house and how few rooms she’s confined to (office, foyer, kitchen), we came home to an eaten yoga block and my old Dansko’s (now dog yard shoes) violated a  third time.

“I don’t know what the fuss is all about. Purple does not work in this house like it does with the California house and these Danskos have already bitten the dust.”

So I have a saying now: The reason Siberians are born with masks because they are all criminals.  I mean lets face it.  You you can’t take the crime out of a natural born criminal. Crime is in her DNA. A criminal who’s tired is simply a tired criminal, not a retired criminal. For example, here’s Juno–still tired from her 3-hour hike and her yoga block crime–eyeing Mr. Wild Dingo’s loafer in the photo above, already planning her next masticatory crime:

“These Dansko’s are getting a bit old to chew on. That nice suede loafer on Poppy’s foot, however, looks ripe for mastications.”

So you may wonder how we would treat a criminal after a crime has been committed. I mean, in our society, every crime must have a consequence right?

“There, there, Juno. We’re so sorry to have left you here with that cracker cujo dog Loki. With nothing but old Dansko’s (and 14 other bones and toys) to amuse yourself. How can we make this up to you?”

“That’s more like it Pop. I did smell something quite delicious when you came in.”

“Oh you mean the steak we had for dinner, err, I mean, the steak we bought specifically for you?”

“Ya, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Perhaps you should be a bit faster with getting the steak home next time.”

Do you think it sends the wrong message to give a Sibe some steak after a crime has been committed?

Here is evidence that my new burgendy Dansko’s are still alive and well:

“Ah, that sweet “new shoe-smell” of a Dansko. It’s calling to me.”

So winners for the first bet are Brice & Eva and Brooke & Darwin. And they will get some Swiss chocolate no matter if the Dansko’s make it or not.  And if you’re wondering, yes, I’m extremely embarrassed for having lost the second part of the bet in such a short time. I was expecting 30 days at least. So, I’m warning you, I’m going to be working like mad not to lose the 2nd part of the bet!

 ”You’d be a fool not to bet against the house!”

To Play:

1. Place a first bet for “Dansko’s Bite the Dust” in the comment section of this post once. You cannot revise your bet or make changes to your bet. You can only place one bet for this category. Since the house bets 180 days, you cannot place a bet higher than 180 days.
2. Place a second bet for “First Masticatory Incident” of anykind. Because Dansko’s aren’t the only thing on Juno’s non-food menu. In the event the house actually wins and the shoes survive 180 days, the person who wins this bet will win. 
3. Both bets operate the same way. The closest bet to the day of the incident without going over wins. So if there’s a mastication at day 42 and there’s a bet for this at day 43, there is no winner. But if there is a bet for day 2 and a bet for day 43, then the better for day 2 wins.
4. The betting pool is open until December 25, 2010. All bets must be placed by that date.
5. The game ends April 16, 2011 (180 days after Dansko’s arrived) or on the day one pair of Dankso’s bites the dust. I know, that’s a long time to wait. But consider the odds:

Here is a short list of Siberian Masticatory wins in the last 3 years that are in favor of the player’s odds:

I call this the short list because if I were to post every mastication the Sibe has completed in the last three years, I wouldn’t be posting about any other subject. For example, below is another, unpublicized mastication the day she destroyed Rome. Notice the Roman mastications are in the background but the Ikea mastication was not mentioned in that post.

“I try to be helpful around the house, pre-open some of these Ikea boxes. And this is the thanks I get?”

So with only about 1/4 of Juno’s mastications published in the last three years,  it looks like the odds are in your favor to bet and bet early.  You can’t win if you don’t play!

Hint: to analyze the odds in depth before placing your bets, be sure to study the history of Juno’s mastications.

Update: Day Counting begins from 10/18/2020, the day the shoes arrived.

“Hmmm…a presie from the RH. I can smell his easily-swayed-by-jodhpurs-slobbery-self all over this parcel!”

“Is that for moi? Oh Mango Man! Oh Yeah!”

“Come to momma stuffie. We have some work to do!”

“Oh and he wrote some words. Whatever could his relentlessly large and easy-to-suds mouth have to say?”

“Yup, you’re right Mango. Your momma is visually impaired. It has nothing to do with your easy-to-see self.”

“This cookie is a bit stale. I’ll just stick it on the ‘fridge so I can wake up to his relentlessly handsome mug every day.”

“And it’s mine! Allllll MINE!”

“Hey Principessa, it looks like the RH didn’t forget me either!”

“Oh my dawg! My FAVORITE!  A tug rope!  How did he know?”

“Nee Ner Nee Nerrrr! I got a presie too!”
“Oh no you dit’ent. You paw that over this minute!”

“No way Princess. You have your own.”
“Whatever. At least I have my jodhpurs. And we all know the RH loves him some floofy jodhpurs.”

Ahhh…don’t worry Mango! Two is always better than one! Right?

“Let me show you how to properly play with this toy Retardo.”

“Ditto, sugar lips. Two can play at this game.”

“See you get the plastic part in your jaws and…”

“aaahhh… the sweet heavenly sensation of a good plastic chew! RH sure knows how to make a girl swoon.”

“I’ll work on the stuffie-ectomy in this corner.”

“Big boy, didn’t you read the contract when I moved in? What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.”

And the stuffie lived happily never after.

Thank you Mango for your awesome contest this year and the presies! Loki and Juno had lots of fun. They both felt the contest was not only professionally managed but fun to participate in! They will be back next year!

“Whatchya got there Daddy-O?”

“Looks like I got my pressie for my placing at Mango Minster cupcake!”

“Hey mom, do me a solid and open this thing!”

“Cool! It’s a calendar with a hot little doggie named Twinkie.”
“Typical. You get a pressie for being insane, and I get nothing for being a good sport.”

“Wow. Twinkie’s quite the looker!”

“But there’s something very familiar about her…”

“I just can not put my nose on what it is that is so familiar about her!”

“She’s one-eighth (divided by 2) my size!”

“Breathtaking! I shall call her … Mini Me.”

Thank you Twinkie! We love our calendar!

Loki, I have some news:

“Ut oh cupcake. This sounds serious.”
“Retardo, I can get us, err, me, out of anything with my cute and wiggly ways.”

No, it’s nothing to be concerned about. I have some good news!  Loki won the Readers Choice award for Cracker Dog Insane Dog at Mango Minster!

“Whoopie! I won something! Whooo hoo! People like me!”

“Pipe down Daddy-O. Like, 87 million people on the Internet just thinks you’re cracked-up, just like I always said. Like we should be surprised?”
“I’m not listening to you!”

Well, there’s more! Norwood, the Esteemed CDIT Judge chose Loki as second place in the Cracker Dog Insane Terrier category!

“Woooo wee! A judge liked me too! That means I MUST be good cuz judges are like really wise and stuff!”

“Wait a minute… I’m a TERRIER?”
“Sigh. Mom, where did you pick up this doofus anyway?”

No Loki, you’re not a terrier. But you were cracker insane enough to compete in that group. And the readers and obviously the judge think so too!

So Loki, what do you think about the winner, Taffy? 

“Dude, I can’t hold a candle to this cracker-dog-insantity!”

Wild Dingo thanks Mango Minster and all the awesome terriers who let us join their group for the fun and games. Secretly blog world (and don’t tell Loki or Juno) but Wild Dingo has always wished for a terrier. A cute Carin, a Yorkie, or even better, a Jack Russel Terror, err, Terrier.  So it was such an honor to compete among the crackerieness!

Loki thanks the readers and his chief campaign supporter Sugar Sweet. One day cutie-pants, he’ll take you on a date!

WD: Loki, now that you’ve won the Reader’s Choice award for Cracker Dog Insane Terrier at Mango Minster, what are you going to do now?
LJS: I’m going to do what Princepessa tells me to do!

Sigh. That’s my boy.

Loki, Juno and I have known Sugar for a while now and met on the Internet when Sugar’s mom, Crazy Lady, commented on this post because we shared the same breed of dog: a Formosan Mountain Dog. Loki and Sugar had similar temperaments thus, Sugar’s mom, Crazy Lady and I commiserated. But over the last two years, the two of us prevailed and have watched each other’s dogs grow into wonderful…cough, cough… wonderful, well-behaved canine citizens.

When Crazy Lady first shared with me her health issues, at the time mainly seizures, she said something about Sugar going berzerk just before one of them. I think I can safely say that I planted the seed that Sugar was alerting and that she needed to get her trained and certified and ASAP, because Sugar can work and that’s what Formosan Mountain dogs do best. They are “busy” dogs and love to work.

Well, Crazy Lady got Sugar trained and certified, but above what I ever dreamed. I only expected this little doggie to tell Crazy Lady when she was going to have a seizure so Crazy Lady could make herself safe. But she does so much more! This little doggie is so strong, she carries like 387 lbs of Crazy Lady’s medicines and purse items. Crazy Lady must have a lot of lipstick because I refuse to believe she has 386 lbs of medicines. It just can’t be.

Sugar also acts like a cane for Crazy Lady! Huh? How in the world does a  30-something pound dog hold up a PERSON? All I can surmise from having a similar cracked-up, err, I mean, highly-work-motivated Formosan dog with lots of muscles is that Sugar is built for strength and can probably hold up about 787 lbs if she had to. Between you and me, I see Sugar at Gold’s Gym pumping iron in the wee hours of the morning while Crazy Lady is still asleep.  Geesh, that dog NEVER stops working!

And there’s brains behind all that brawn that Sugar carries.  Sugar can alert and get help for Crazy Lady’s seizures. Personally, I think Sugar Sweet is far more qualified than any of the required quacks, I mean, doctors that Crazy Lady has been forced to see in the “system.”  If you don’t believe me, read here or here.

You know what’s even more amazing about Sugar? Before she met Crazy Lady, she was tossed away in Taiwan. On the streets. Abandoned. Alone, starving. Somebody didn’t want her. She had been trained as it was obvious she knew some commands. But someone intentionally threw this dog away, like useless trash.

When Sugar met Crazy Lady, she was shy and frightened but she blossomed into a wonderful companion pet. When life took an unexpected rough turn for Crazy Lady’s health, Sugar rose to the occasion and quickly grew into exactly what Crazy Lady needed to live safely, and sanely!

Can you believe how lucky Crazy Lady is to get a dog like this? Thousands of dollars are spent on training medical service and seizure alert dogs yearly and fate dropped her in Crazy Lady’s lap.

Sugar is not only fulfilling her destiny of being an outstanding working dog, but she is living proof of how a discarded then rescued dog can not only blossom into a loving companion pet but into an invaluable partner.

Visit Sugar Sweet’s blog to read more about her. But for now, she needs your vote, so go to Mango Minster Hard Working Girls and vote for Sugar Sweet NOW!

WD: Congratulations on your win of the Reader’s Choice for Good Sport Dogs category at Mango Minster Juno Belle!
JBJ: Thank you. Thank you very much. I’d like to thank The Mango for hosting this wonderful contest and the sponsors for offering up wonderful prizes. I’d also like to thank my whipping boy, Loki J. Starling, for making it so easy to be a “good sport” around a cracker insane dog like himself. I’d like to thank all the Readers who supported me. And I’d also like to thank Sugar Sweet a huge supporter and “get out the vote” promoter to the show. Without Sugar Sweet, many would have never known of my challenging lifestyle that has made me the “good sport” I am today. 

Sugar will be showing in the Hard Working Dogs at Mango Minster and we can’t wait to see her entry!

WD: What about your manager? Do you want to thank her?
JBJ: No. Nope. Not at all. I most certainly do not want to thank her. If I didn’t have her, I wouldn’t be forced into such a deplorable state of being a “good sport.” I mean seriously, Siberians doing obedience? Siberians doing “sit pretty” on a plank? Siberians doing pilates? Siberians sitting in box and doing tricks? Siberians don’t do these things. Nope. My manager puts me in these situation against my will and her better judgement. I didn’t really have a choice but to be a good sport. She deserves no thanks. But, I’m a Sibe and I go where the foodables are, so I may as well capitalize on it!

WD: Did you notice how hot the competition was in the polls?
JBJ: Why yes, I did. I was really impressed with both competitors tolerating of their ridiculous costumes. I’m in total awe of Dory’s incredible sportiness in that silly squirrel costume. I know I wear a LOT of costumes and endure a LOT of torture, but I think Dory’s costume would have put me over the edge and made me a bad sport! I think she could rightfully have won this contest, paws down.

WD: Do you think you deserve the reader’s choice award for “good sport?”
JBJ: Is this a rhetorical question? The Readers have spoken. I mean seriously. Let’s look back of my life here at Wild Dingo. It isn’t a charming life.

First there’s the Costuming and Modeling in underpaid and uncomfortable situations as shown here:

“I’m hotter than a 2-dollar pistol!”

And here:

 ”I don’t do Mardi Gras crowns. But I’ll take that King Cake in your plate!”

“Seriously? Feathers? On a Siberian? Inconceivable!”

Then there’s the Physical Torture here:

“Um ladies? Siberians and water are like Oil and Vinegar. Catch my drift?”

And here:

“Physical Therapy? Phooey. This is Physical Torture!”

I am a  24/7 neck biting recipient for the cracker GSD/FMD Loki.

 ”Just what every Siberian needs. A cracker insane FMD attached to her neck 24/7.”

I was a good hostess to a cracker Rat Terrier who was only after one thing:

 a peek under my jodhpurs!

The ENDLESS obedience training. I mean Sibes JUST DON’T DO OBEDIENCE. HELLOOOOO?!?

The Escalator riding. Ok that one is a fun one for Sibes who like to exert minimal effort in getting from A to B.

The trick training and box games where the FMD touches me while I sit in a box. Like a Siberian NEEDS to do more than look gorgeous to get a delicous foodable? Appalling!

And who can forget how my body was shamelessly used, without my consent, on the cover of PlayPup?

Sheesh, do I need to point out any more reasons why the readers chose me for Good Sport Doggie?

WD: What did you think about Judge Moose’s pick for Good Sport Winner, Cookie?
JBJ: Dude. I’m only a “good sport” because of circumstance. I think you all know I could have easily been a good contender for “bad sport.”  That Cookie doggie? Dude, she’s above Good Sport. She went out of her way to help her human sister get a good grade on some school project. That’s not “Good Sport.” That’s “Super Ego-less, Saintly Good Sport.”  Ya, Moose did good in his picks. I also liked his pick for third place, Frankie. That dude has some issues, but he’s such a great sport about them. I don’t know if I could handle all those freaky snowmen dudes around the house during Christmas season. He’s pretty darn sporty about that. And I sure like the way he eats antlers. And in second, Zack. I mean seriously.  Who could resist a sweet labradude like him?

WD: What did you think of Mr. Wild Dingo entering your category?
JBJ: No comment.

WD: Awe come on. This is juicy information. Enquiring minds want to know!
JBJ: Alright. But I want this OFF the record. At first, I was not pleased with Mr. Wild Dingo’s entry. But I thought about it and realized that guy is ALWAYS hanging around me. No matter how much I try to rebuke him.  I huff at him. I run away from him. Yet he takes me to training and continues to pet and please me with delicious foodables. He can’t help hanging around a gorgeous creature such as myself. And when I put myself in his paws, err, shoes, well, it just made sense that he enter the category as his way of supporting me. I have to admit, it was really creepy seeing him in Key West. It certainly put a damper on my fun at the Garden of Eden “collars optional” joint.  Kind of like inviting your dad to a keg party on a University campus. It’s just not right. (Click Pict to Bigify the party pooper.)

Editor’s Note: We’re pretty sure Sibes don’t know the difference between On the Record or Off the Record, therefore we believe it is entirely appropriate to publish her comments.

WD: So now that you won the Readers Choice Good Sporty Dog contest at Mango Minster, what are you going to do next?
JBJ: I’m going to Switzerland!

Naturally first we thought of the Herding category since he is half German Shepherd, but the only photo we could find was this:

But lets face it. Loki would take one look at a sheep and run in the opposite direction. So herding was out.

Then we considered the Hard Working category. After all, Loki’s new trainer likes to call him a “busy” dog. He loves to work. Give him a job (except maybe herding sheep) and he’ll go right to it. He’ll pick up sticks, he’ll find my keys, he’ll entertain the crowds with his talking routine while he performs “bang,” “bow” and “where’s my dog?” But recently, he’s been working really hard at become a search dog so we dug out a few of his search photos:

Yes, that’s Loki actually catching the scent of his target. And working really hard to get to him fast before his target dies or, worse, eats Loki’s treats.

And here is is finding his target, completely relieved he isn’t dead and that indeed his payment hasn’t been eaten by his target for survival. Afterall, his target was officially lost for 5 minutes. You never know if they’ll get hungry enough to finish the goodies.

But Hard Working is too easy of a category for Loki, so we turned to Sporting. Here are a few photos of Loki being a Good Sport:

This is Loki in his Mardi Gras King costume. I’d say he’s a very good sport about wearing costumes. Especially since two years ago, he would have bitten me if I tried to put a hat or boa on him. I can’t blame him. That boa totally makes his butt look big.

Here’s Loki going for his second place at a friendly school competition. He’s a pretty good sport about taking second place to a cracked-out border collie.

And here’s Loki looking very SPORTY in a SPORTS car. No more words needed here.

But since Juno is competing in the Sporting Category, Loki didn’t want to compete against her (after all, that wouldn’t be very sporting of him) so we decided to enter him in the Cracker Dog Insane Terrier category. Granted, he’s NOT a Terrier. But above all, working, sporty, herding, Loki is completely, undisputably, without a doubt, cracker-insane. All his trainers, his friends and his dog friends would gladly sign a petition stating that Loki is a Certifiable Cracker Dog Insane. And there are so many photos of him being cracker insane. But which to choose?

This one is obviously cracker. The facial expression, the toofers, the ears back. He looks like he’s about to hand out a can of whoop-ass on poor Juno (who looks innocent, but let me assure you, she’s not). But the lack of props in this photo made it a “no” for the entry.

Then there’s this shot:

In this photo, Loki’s showing his poker cracked-out face. His fierceness rates high on the Norwood scale: toofers are in full view, lips pulled back, ears pulled back, pupils dialatedand body and tail stiff.  His prop of choice: Juno. Ya, I’d say he’s totally cracked out here. He totally inhaled if you know what I mean. His athletic prowess ranks high as you can see his muscles work to catch and hold down a Siberian Husky.  Juno as you can see is not duped by his cracked-out behavior. Her tail is gently swooshed around him and is purposely exposing her husky neck for the bite. The context shows he’s desperately in need of either strong medication or an exorcism. It’s hard to say which.

Which reminded us of Loki’s early cracker days with his best dog-park buddy, Travis, the Belgian Malinois:

“Hey Travis, you want a piece of me?”
“What’s that Loki? I can’t heeeaaarrr you!”

“Biting isn’t a disease. It’s a symptom!”

“Oh no you di’ent!”

“I got chunks of guys like you in my poop!”

It was a difficult choice, but we settled on the photo below for his entry photo:

Athletic prowess: check. He doesn’t even need Air-Jordens to jump this high, catch and de-stuff his prop. Facial expression: check. Loki’s googly eyes and firm bite on the prop tells us not to frack with this cracker. When it comes to tug, the context is never in question. It’s always, “the devil made me do it.”  When you offer Loki a tug, his eyes will glaze over, you know his other personality has taken over. His frontal lobe will freeze and his hind brain grows instantly 4 times in size. No medication in the world will stop him from obsessing for the tug. You could give him a bottle of valium chased with a bottle of Jack Daniels and drop a piano on his head and he’ll still bite his target tug. That makes him cracker insane.

Photo Entry: Loki Cracker for Tug
Name: Loki J. Starling
Gender: Male, duh. Look at his big muscles and teeny brain!
Group: Cracker Dog Insane (not) Terrier
Breed: German Shepherd Formosan Mountain Cracked Up Dog
Bloggy Address: http://www.wilddingo.com
Peemail: loki“at” wilddingo.com

***

Finally Wild Dingo would like to submit one more entry for Mango Minster:

Photo Entry: Mr. Wild Dingo and the Cone of Shame
Name: Mr. Wild Dingo
Gender: Male
Group: Sporty
Breed:Human Doggie
Bloggy Address: http://www.wilddingo.com
Peemail: stuart“at” wilddingo.com

I know. This goes against our rules of entering more than one pack member in the same category. He doesn’t expect to win. But really, Mr. Wild Dingo was a good sport in supporting Juno through her mysterious illness in November and he donned the dreaded “Cone of Shame” just to make her feel better. I’d say that’s a pretty good sport. Mr. Wild Dingo is a bit ugly for a typical dog, but hey, I refer to him as a dog many times when he behaves like a naughty fella. So we’d like to submit him for the heck of it. Maybe he’ll get a consolation prize.

The first category we thought of was the Non-Sporty category. I think woo all know that Juno can be a, um, bad doggie. The photos speak for themselves I think.

Grumpy.

Destructive.

Passive-Aggressive

Postal.

Gassy.

But we realize that was too obvious and easy of a category for a Siberian. I mean after all, she’s the epitome of a bad sport right? So we decided to make it super challenging for her. As we recently learned there are two sibes, err …  sides to every coin. The opposite of a bad sport, must be a good sport, right? And surely she must have some good sportyness in her. So here are Juno’s photo considerations for the Sporty Dog Category:

What some don’t know is that Juno is accomplished in Siberian Tango, a style of tango that has matured into its own right along with Argentine Tango, Ballroom Tango and Finnish Tango. Surprisingly the Ballroom Dance Association has yet to fully acknowldege Siberian Tango.

Juno’s favorite time of year is Mardi Gras and she enjoys dressing up in traditional colors. Of course for a Sibe, every day is Mardi Gras.

As we all know, Juno recently started Siberian Pilates to build up her core strength. Her best display of sport is the Juno Mind Trick, which she can do on any obstacle as demonstrated above.

She’s so sporty, she can even do her athletics while injured:

But we chose the photo below to be her entry because Juno shows she can perform the mesmerizing Juno Mind Trick dangerously high in the air on a small plank platform. If she doesn’t win this contest, she has decided to take her show on the road with Cirque du Chien, a new dog circus performing group specializing in dogs who take bribes to do stuff.

Photo Entry: The Juno Mind Trick High-Rise
Name: Juno Belle Jodhpurs
Gender: Duh, Femme Fatale
Group: Sporty Dogs
Breed: Siberians aren’t “dog breeds” but if you must categorize, then Siberian Husky
Bloggy Address: http://www.wilddingo.com
Peemail: juno “at” wilddingo.com

It was a pure coincidence that 2 BT’s were runner ups in the

Here’s what Isabelle, Hubble’s Maman wrote recently of her delicious pressie:

“We have received our yummilicious treats, and the Bougalou Bear, generous host that he is, had to invite his friends Mc Intosh the gourmand
Golden and Megan the lissome Lhassa for a taste. The bloody beasts, er I mean beauteous hounds, immediately ganged up on me and demanded that treats be handed out NOW. I shan’t testify to it in court but I could swear Mc had a gun hidden somewhere in all that winter fur. Not that it was necessary of course; all the B. Bear had to do was to threaten to let go with a particularly fuliginous B-Terrierorist fart and I was quite ready to roll over!

 In typical BT fashion, The Bougalou Bear is not overly found of winter outdoor exertion, and that’s quite the understatement believe you me, and has therefore requested that his pantylons be made into lounging gear for luxuriating before the fire-place. Should it prove too troublesome, however, he will be more than happy to wear them with his snazzy coat for the roughly 90 seconds/day he actually spends outside in the winter time.”

No problem Isabelle, we made BB’s jodhpurs multi-purpose for indoors as well as outdoors in that dreadful snow!

Indoors, BB can lounge by the fire or patrol for pesky squirrels in high fashion Jodhpurs by Juno-Belle!

Outdoors, BB can keep his bootay warm in style! Jodhpurs by Juno-Belle work especially well with many textures, such as this leather snow vest.

Hubbles (BB) was delighted to share his salmon paws with his pals. Can’t you just see the delight and generosity in his face? His other pals look tres disappointed in his ficticious generosity. 

Mac was a fairly simple fella to fit. He didn’t squirm or wiggle while I pinned and shortened, and shortened again and again to get his jodhpurs to fit just right.  He was a very patient model.

 ”Do these Jodhpurs make my butt look cute?”
Ah, Mack, your butt was already too cute for words. Ya, the Jodhpurs add some style, but go au-natural when you can. Be yourself. Maybe put them on in winter months!

Thanks for playing Hubbles and Mack. I’m so glad you liked your Salmon Paws!

Now Lets Get Serious about Hope.

You all know how strongly I feel about rescuing dogs. Both my dogs are rescues. I don’t have any issues with people buying a breeded dog from a reputable breeder, but I do have problems with pet store animals and obviously puppy mills, so I strongly urge people to resuce. It’s one of the most rewarding experiences. Anyone who wants to really understand how far a naughty dog can come, just click on Loki’s archives and read about my struggles with him in the very beginning.  Working with a dog of any kind of challenge, behavioral or physical, can be a rewarding experience. Vicky of AHAN, Loki’s rescue organization wrote to me a few weeks ago about Hope, a blind golden retriever rescued by a foster parent, Jean, who has given so much to time and money to Hope and Hope has made wonderful progress.

Hope was frail, thin and almost dead when Jean found her and through her diligant care, is so much stronger and almost ready for adoption. You can read Hope’s beautiful story here. Hope still needs medical care for. If you would like to donate money to Hope’s cause, please click on the AHAN donation icon here and type in “For Hope’s mecial costs” in the Pay Pal message box. And lets all give a little hope to our local rescues whenever we can in time or money and hope that we will see less animal suffering in the New year.

Loki & Juno give wags and wiggles to everyone who gives to Hope and gives hope to dogs in need.

Wild Dingo is relocating from Northern California to Luasanne, Switzerland. I know. Insane. I can’t even freaking believe it myself. To answer the obvious: YES we can bring our dogs, with no quarantine.  That was the fist thing we thought about before we even considered the move.

Next question: Yes, it’s because Mr. Wild Dingo’s job is transferring him. Actually, he recommended himself for the new position in August, but a transfer from the U.S. to a Europe office takes a long time so we never really knew until Thanksgiving, when he returned home from a visit out there. That day he needed a beer.

Next question: Yes, we’re keeping our newly built mountain home. The transfer is temporary for two or three years. Which will fly by in a blink of an eye I’m sure.

Next question: We think the move won’t happen for two or three months. Though Mr. Wild Dingo’s new boss wants him to start immediately. So he’ll most likely be gone a lot until we move.

Next question: Yes, I’m working on paperwork and passports for Loki and Juno so they can travel easily throughout Europe. I mean, what else am I going to do there, work? Silly readers. Wild Dingo barely works as it is. Or at least, that’s what Mr. Wild Dingo says.  No instead, we’ll be working with a tutor (and not Dex’s tutor thank dog!). But this tutor will help us learn better French. We already speak it, but we want to speak it so they understand us. It’d be nice not to get pointed at and hear “silly American!” And my other activities there will be hopefully, dog training Loki in a sport, as well as day and weekend travel trips, Amelie-style with postcards of the two in famous places. Well, that’s the plan. Nothing ever goes to plan. I mean, we didn’t “plan” to move to Switzerland, did we?

Now for the Winners!

First, thank you all for playing my silly game. It was too fun and I hope to do more like it in the future. You all made me giggle every day and in this day, in this time, that is no small feat. So you are all winners in my book. And for that, Planet Blue Dog asked me to pass on this PAWESOME discount of 10% off if you mention the code: HOWLIDAYS.

The Winner of the Contest was Darwin of The Evolution of Darwin!

Darwin Won:

Chase It…Dogs Love It!
Fun for puppies, dogs, cats and people of all ages. Grab onto the ergonomic handle and move the toy in a circular, zig zag or lunging motion and watch your pets enthusiastic reaction! At first, most pets do not realize a human is activating it. A game of chase has never been this much fun! The toy is attached with a velcro strap and, therefore, is replaceable. The Chase-It collapses (telescopic) to 18″ and extends to about 48″.

Salmon Paws
Human-Grade Wild Salmon caught in the pristine waters of Alaska. Unlike many other salmon treats out on the market today, it is made from 100% Pure Salmon Meat with NO Bones, Fillers or other ingredients. Only the finest salmon is used to hand-make these premium pet treats. You can try it too! It makes an excellent training treat, because it brakes up easily into small pieces without crumbling.

And she also won:

A Pair of Jodhpurs!Designed specifically by Juno Belle Jodhpurs and fit exculsively for Darwin’s size.

Juno Belle Jodhpurs jodhpurs are low maintenance jodhpurs.No laundering and no pressing is required. Just floof, walk and be prepared for the compliments! 

And becuase I’m the boss and can change the rules of the contest, I’m announcing three runner-up winners who made me smile: 

1. The Bougalou Bear from Say What?  Oh my dog, that guess still has me smiling!
2. Dozer & Dotti of also Say What  because lingere in those colors, well, only clowns could get turned on by that.
3. Mack of Mack’s Mess, because he guessed “moving” first, but not the full news. Also because he really seems sad about missing panytloons and jodhpurs, and I’d like to give him a Christmas wish.

Each of you will receive a pouch of Salmon Paws from Blue Planet Dog and a free pair of Juno Belle Jodhpurs jodhpurs.  Please email me at info at wilddingo.com your shipping address and include a photo of your derrière  (that’s French for butt), so I can size them for you!

All of you made me laugh this week. And for those who guessed another puppy or a Swiss mountain dog puppy, you’d have to be crazy to think I’d get myself another dog. I have enough gray hairs. Anyone with more than two dogs in my book is officially whack-a-doo (but my kind of whack-a-doo).   Thank you so much for playing! I’m so glad I can take you with me to Europe via cyberspace!

Loki and Juno have a different idea about saving her jodhpurs and include clue(s) #3 in the Wild Dingo Big News Contest.

“This PT thing doesn’t seem too bad. “

“WTF? I didn’t know getting a bath was part of this deal. Does PT stand for Physical Torture?  Retardo Montalban, come save me!”

“I will save you my friend! I have the just the tools to help you escape. And I will conveniently forget what mom taught us about running with sharp objects.”

“It’s about time you arrived. Do you know how long I’ve been under water? I’m about to drown!”

“Oh Principessa, your jodhpurs don’t look so floofy.”

“I know, right? They say they’re trying to save my jodhpurs but its more like they’re drowing them!”

Later at The Spa:

“Principessa, I’m so happy I was able to save you from that Physical Torture. And now you can rest here at The Whole Pet Vet day spa, and chill out with accupuncture”

“Dude, this place is a spa? Huh? Where are all the refreshments?”

“I mean, a little chesese and crackers sure would make my yin channels flow nicely.”

“Never fear Principessa. I always come prepared to delight you.”

“Retardo, that is so not a good Pinot Noir. And grapes? Are you trying to kill me?”
“Les Femmes. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t live without ‘em.”

Contest Prize and Rules:

The Prize from Planet Blue Dog:

Chase It…Dogs Love It!
Fun for puppies, dogs, cats and people of all ages. Grab onto the ergonomic handle and move the toy in a circular, zig zag or lunging motion and watch your pets enthusiastic reaction! At first, most pets do not realize a human is activating it. A game of chase has never been this much fun! The toy is attached with a velcro strap and, therefore, is replaceable. The Chase-It collapses (telescopic) to 18″ and extends to about 48″.

Salmon Paws
Human-Grade Wild Salmon caught in the pristine waters of Alaska. Unlike many other salmon treats out on the market today, it is made from 100% Pure Salmon Meat with NO Bones, Fillers or other ingredients. Only the finest salmon is used to hand-make these premium pet treats. You can try it too! It makes an excellent training treat, because it brakes up easily into small pieces without crumbling.

The winner may also receive a gift from one of the clues shown this week.

Rules:

You can’t win if you don’t play!

1. Contestants can enter a guess of what Wild Dingo’s Big Breaking News is, as many times as they’d like in the comments section of Wild Dingo’s posts. The first contestant to guess the breaking news will win but will not be announced until Friday. So if a correct guess was made on Wednesday, it won’t be known until Friday. I know, maybe its silly, but its my contest and I’m the boss.
2. Anybody who actually knows the breaking news can participate but they cannot guess the right answer. Instead, they get to participate in a much more sinister way. They are allowed to make as many silly guesses, completely unrelated to the actual breaking news in order to confuse real contestants.
3.  If there is no winner, the “real” contestant who has the most creative guess, or closest guess, will be the winner.

Loki and Juno are getting a new trainer!  

UPDATE!

Planet Blue Dog has generously donated some of the doggie prizes you see below!

I recently met the owner of Planet Blue Dogat a dog show and if feels like I’ve known her my whole life. Dogs. Something about them that connects you to great people! This company has the most AWESOME toys and treats. Loki and Juno have devoured and enjoyed may hours with their hand-made, earth-friendly rope toys and they go crazy for the Salmon treats. Don’t tell them, but I think Santa will be stuffing their stocking with these items as well!

Check out Planet Blue Dog and sign up for their monthly newsletter featuring training tips, new product announcements and special offers.

The Prize from Planet Blue Dog:

Chase It…Dogs Love It!
Fun for puppies, dogs, cats and people of all ages. Grab onto the ergonomic handle and move the toy in a circular, zig zag or lunging motion and watch your pets enthusiastic reaction! At first, most pets do not realize a human is activating it. A game of chase has never been this much fun! The toy is attached with a velcro strap and, therefore, is replaceable. The Chase-It collapses (telescopic) to 18″ and extends to about 48″.

Salmon Paws
Human-Grade Wild Salmon caught in the pristine waters of Alaska. Unlike many other salmon treats out on the market today, it is made from 100% Pure Salmon Meat with NO Bones, Fillers or other ingredients. Only the finest salmon is used to hand-make these premium pet treats. You can try it too! It makes an excellent training treat, because it brakes up easily into small pieces without crumbling.

The winner may also receive a gift from one of the clues shown this week.

Rules:

You can’t win if you don’t play!

1. Contestants can enter a guess of what Wild Dingo’s Big Breaking News is, as many times as they’d like in the comments section of Wild Dingo’s posts. The first contestant to guess the breaking news will win but will not be announced until Friday. So if a correct guess was made on Wednesday, it won’t be known until Friday. I know, maybe its silly, but its my contest and I’m the boss.
2. Anybody who actually knows the breaking news can participate but they cannot guess the right answer. Instead, they get to participate in a much more sinister way. They are allowed to make as many silly guesses, completely unrelated to the actual breaking news in order to confuse real contestants.
3.  If there is no winner, the “real” contestant who has the most creative guess, or closest guess, will be the winner.

 ”The Internet is abuzz with talk of Pantyloons and Jodhpurs. Juno, Khyra, The Herd, the AO4, Phantom & Thunder, Kira… They all have pantyloons or jodhpurs!” 

“Even Mango and Norwood took advantage of Siber-Monday and bought themselves a pair. Norwood even got a free pair of jodhpurs with his Pantyloons!” 

“Even this guy has a pair! And I don’t have any!”

So what are you going to do about it Loki?

 ”Well, I missed the Siber-Monday sale, so I did what I had to do.”

“Do these pantyloons make my butt look big?’

And that was clue #1 for Wild Dingo’s Big News Contest!

Here’s a refresher of the rules below:

The Prize:The winner will receive one or more of the clues shown this week as a prize. In addition, the winner will receive organic doggie treats which will probably not be part of the clues.

Rules:

1. Contestants can enter a guess as many times as they’d like in the comments section of Wild Dingo’s posts. The first contestant to guess the breaking news will win but will not be announced until Friday. So if a correct guess was made on Wednesday, it won’t be known until Friday. I know, maybe its silly, but its my contest and I’m the boss.
2. Anybody who actually knows the breaking news can participate but they cannot guess the right answer. Instead, they get to participate in a much more sinister way. They are allowed to make as many silly guesses, completely unrelated to the actual breaking news in order to confuse real contestants.
3.  If there is no winner, the “real” contestant who has the most creative guess, or closest guess, will be the winner.

Happy Guessing!

“Ya, um, Pop? These shoes are not exactly masticalicious.”

Juno Pupdate:

She’s doing fine, fever and infection-wise. We will never know if it was bacterial infection or autoimmune, unfortunately. And she is on another 40 days of antibiotics. After that, she’s off and we monitor her. Since then, we also found she has hip dysplasia. But on top of the hip dysplasia, we found out on Tuesday that she has severe muscle damage in her inner groin, pectineus and iliopsoas muscles. Orthos suggested that from my description of her behavior from the day we adopted her up until today, it was likely she damaged it on her sled-team run (with her fosters and other dogs) and has since been compensating for it and for her hip dysplasia ever since. The ortho who examined her found her back legs in atrophy. Amazing, since she used to do so much agility (she’s not allowed to do agility now). He also found extreme pain in her inner groin. So much so, he jerked back his hand when he softly touched her inner groin and her head whipped around in pain. She would not have bitten him, but he didn’t know. He noticed her front paws gaited perfectly, but her back paws and legs skewed in, no doubt to help deal with hip dysplasia. In other words, she’s squeezing her inner groin muscles to deal with the uncomfortable hips.

The orthopedic surgeon had one more thing to say about Juno: “I’ve examined numerous Siberians. I’ve never seen one as well-behaved as Juno. Even the nicest, sweetest ones are not as compliant as she is. She walks exactly at your pace, never pulls her leash and does exactly what you ask her to do.” YAWN. Like we haven’t heard THAT before.

Seriously though? I’ve never had a Siberian Husky. Juno is my first. I’m learning all sorts of things about their character.  But all these doctors remarking on her behavior just cracks me up. I never thought anything about it except: “Of course my dog is behaved. Of course she will do as I ask. Of course she will not misbehave, bark or lunge at another dog. Of course she will heel, turn, sit, down as I ask.” Like its a big deal?  Apparently being obedient seems to be incongruous with even the best-behaved Siberians! (Thundering Herd, I know you’re plotting to capture Juno and teach her your ways. We have her under lock and key.) I eventually fessed up to the Ortho and told him about her masticatory addictions and he was glad to find out she wasn’t perfect but hoped she would never be in the ER to fish a shoe out of her belly.

So now Juno’s facing 6 weeks of complete rest. No zoomies. No running off leash. No wrestling with Loki. She can go for as long as a walk or several walks as she wants and doesn’t limp or feel pain.

Her physical therapy involves this:

I’m so not kidding. The Juno-Mind Trick is her PT. She has to do 5 repetitions of sit, to the Juno-Mind Trick, to sit, to stand, three times per day to strengthen her butt muscles. Juno also gets a few massages daily on her inner jodhpurs (thigh muscles) to loosen up the tightness and she also has to walk on cushions so she can work proprioceptive training of her muscles. She’s scheudled to walk the underwater treadmill at the physical therapist’s next week.  I wonder if they’ll have her perform the Juno-Mind Trick on some pilates balls?

ANNOUNCING WILD DINGO’S FIRST CONTEST!

Wild Dingo has some breaking news that has been about to burst for a month now. Instead of just blabbering it here on the blog, I thought it would be fun to host a guessing contest. I will be dropping 3 to 4 clues all next week and announce the actual news on Friday.

The Prize: The winner will receive one or more of the clues shown next week as a prize. In addition, the winner will receive organic doggie treats which will probably not be part of the clues.

Rules:

1. Contestants can enter a guess as many times as they’d like in the comments section of Wild Dingo’s posts. The first contestant to guess the breaking news will win but will not be announced until Friday. So if a correct guess was made on Wednesday, it won’t be known until Friday. I know, maybe its silly, but its my contest and I’m the boss.
2. Anybody who actually knows the breaking news can participate but they cannot guess the right answer. Instead, they get to participate in a much more sinister way. They are allowed to make as many silly guesses, completely unreleated to the actual breaking news in order to confuse real contestants.
3. Rule Update: If there is no winner, the “real” contestant who has the most creative guess will be the winner.

That’s it! Have a great weekend. Put your thinking caps on by Monday!