“Nothing says “I missed you” like pillow entrails. I cared enough to shred the very best.”

I was in Luasanne, Switzerland house hunting for our move this past week. Loki and Juno’s personal chef, entertainer and companion kept me updated on how they handled being without me. “Loki and Juno are doing so well! They’re so well behaved,”  wrote Diane in her e-mails, “I’m going to miss them and I would love to come to Switzerland just to pet sit them!”

Um, sure Diane. And shredding pillows is considered “behaved” in what universe?  Are you sure you want to pet sit them again? Figures they saved the pillow mess just for me. Nobody ever believes me when I say these two are trouble.

“I had nothing to do with this Mom! Swear to dogs!”

Loki and Juno met Diane the week before I left and hit it off with her just fine. Loki even let her take his leash, something he never stands for when I’m around. Dog-forbid anyone but his Mom be attached to him. When Diane left, I warned her that Loki will definitely appear intimidating on her first day. “He’ll bark and act like a cracked-out Cujo ready to eat you,” I told her. “Oh I’m not intimidated by him,” Diane assured me. “He’s quite sweet.”  I smiled knowingly to myself.

Diane’s first email to me read something to the tune of: ”I must admit, I was quite apprehensive approaching the gate with Loki barking aggressively and was a bit intimidated.” Sigh. Do I know my cracker-dog or what?

Loki  has two greetings: Cracked-Out-Cujo, and “I’m your BEST friend in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!”  By the 3rd visit, they were best pals and Diane wrote: “Loki and I are buddies. Period. He follows me everywhere and I can play with him quite roughly very confidently.” Sigh. Just as expected.

I’m not sure if Juno ever warmed up to her more than approaching her quickly then bouncing away, but at least she wasn’t rude enough to pull a Cujo on her.

I’ll have more later this week with photos from the trip and of the Wild Dingo Estate Abroad. Regardless of the pillow mess, it was great to be home among the endless kisses. 

In the mean time, which one looks guilty to you, Internet? Let me give you a hint. And another hint. And another hint. And, sigh, another hint.

“SHE started it mom!”
“I resent the biasness I am being treated with. Prior convictions have no bearing on this case.”

This is Loki at 4:00 T-time (“T” is for “talk.”)  A few of these days and I’d bet The Herd won’t be able to give him back soon enough!

We can’t go outside and I don’t feel like training. So I decide it’s more entertaining to just bug him.

Loki sure has the gift for gab.

“Hey sugar lips. Looks like I got you behind the eight ball. Are you going to make a move?”
“You must be cruisin’ with your lights on dim if you think you have me cornered.”

“Put an egg on your paw and beat it big boy or I’ll smack you down!”
“Baby, it gives me a large charge when you get mad.”

Tip #1: Always be prepared for the opponent to pounce.

“Hey Daddy-O. It’s git down time!”

Tip #2: Deal out the pre-emptive bite, err, strike.

“Listen sister, you’d better watch how you run your mouth because I have a set of choppers right here, ready to do some collateral damage.”

Tip #3: Ignore opponent’s sass.

“Spare me the hot air tough-guy. You’re just a Schmo from Kokomo.”

Tip #4: Fake her out with the belly-up defense.

“Darlin’,  now that you’ve laid me out, when you gonna bury me?” 

Tip # 5: When the going gets tough, the tough get cracked-out.

 ”Hey cupcake, you’re one step closer to a trip to the croaker!”

The Cracked-Out move is important so lets examine it closely. Notice it is also coupled with sass.

Tip # 6: When all else fails, hightail it and run!

“Pull into the curb, Daddy-O before your dreamboat becomes a battleship.”
“Cupcake, this bird’s gonna pull his freight!”

“WTF are you doing to my Juno Dogtor?” 

Um, Dogtor Hilary, don’t look back. There’s an long-toothed Formosanorous Rex behind you. Stay perfectly calm. I hear they will walk away if you just remain still. Or at least shut their pie hole.

He may tenderize you before he goes in for the kill.

Or he may ask for a low back massage first. That’s the thing about the Formosanorous Rex. You just never know what they will do.

The Siberian Hussy on the other hand … is just shameful.

And usually grants kisses for free.

“These vet bills were mailed third class! I ain’t comin’ on that tab.”

Got it. But what’s the deal with going postal on the rest of the mail?

“I know. It looks like a first class disastor. But I have no idea how this happened. If I’m lyin’ I’m flyin’.” 

Um, Juno, by the looks of that propeller tail, you’re about to take off so that must mean …

“Look, I ain’t saying you’re wrong, but I ain’t saying you’re right either. Why don’t you bug ‘ole Motormouth back there with all your questions?”

Anticipating Juno’s accusations, Loki parked himself far away from the scene of the crime.

“I don’t know beans about this crime, Mom. My paws are clean!”

For the record Internet, I’ve left Loki home alone in the entire house many times, and have always come home to a neat and orderly home: nothing chewed, eaten or destroyed. Still, whenever Juno pulls this stunt, he keeps far away from the detsruction but acts remorseful as if he’s sorry for not being able to stop her naughtiness.

Sigh. Never a dull moment at Wild Dingo.

Loki, I have some news:

“Ut oh cupcake. This sounds serious.”
“Retardo, I can get us, err, me, out of anything with my cute and wiggly ways.”

No, it’s nothing to be concerned about. I have some good news!  Loki won the Readers Choice award for Cracker Dog Insane Dog at Mango Minster!

“Whoopie! I won something! Whooo hoo! People like me!”

“Pipe down Daddy-O. Like, 87 million people on the Internet just thinks you’re cracked-up, just like I always said. Like we should be surprised?”
“I’m not listening to you!”

Well, there’s more! Norwood, the Esteemed CDIT Judge chose Loki as second place in the Cracker Dog Insane Terrier category!

“Woooo wee! A judge liked me too! That means I MUST be good cuz judges are like really wise and stuff!”

“Wait a minute… I’m a TERRIER?”
“Sigh. Mom, where did you pick up this doofus anyway?”

No Loki, you’re not a terrier. But you were cracker insane enough to compete in that group. And the readers and obviously the judge think so too!

So Loki, what do you think about the winner, Taffy? 

“Dude, I can’t hold a candle to this cracker-dog-insantity!”

Wild Dingo thanks Mango Minster and all the awesome terriers who let us join their group for the fun and games. Secretly blog world (and don’t tell Loki or Juno) but Wild Dingo has always wished for a terrier. A cute Carin, a Yorkie, or even better, a Jack Russel Terror, err, Terrier.  So it was such an honor to compete among the crackerieness!

Loki thanks the readers and his chief campaign supporter Sugar Sweet. One day cutie-pants, he’ll take you on a date!

WD: Loki, now that you’ve won the Reader’s Choice award for Cracker Dog Insane Terrier at Mango Minster, what are you going to do now?
LJS: I’m going to do what Princepessa tells me to do!

Sigh. That’s my boy.