“Hey Daddy-O, this beef trachea is the bomb. How come you’re not eating yours?”

“I’m watching my figure. Speaking of figures, Princess, don’t you think you ought to call Jenny?”

 ”Hmmm. Let me think about it. Pass me your beef trachea.”

I must be overfeeding lately. Loki’s turned down a trachea and a bully a few times in the last month. Well, at least one of them is not a bottomless pit.

Like all stereotypical males, Mr. Wild Dingo enjoys critiquing my driving skills.  Last month I drove Mr. Wild Dingo to the airport. Loki and Juno came with us and provided an eye-opening, err … ear-opening critique of Mr. Wild Dingo’s driving skills. Internet, feel free to make your own judgements. But I feel the impartial critics have spoken. Two out of two backseat driving critics have agreed. Mr. Wild Dingo’s driving skills are hazardous to their health.

And before anyone points out our car is not pet-safe, save your point. A pet-safe car with crates has been on the top of my list and if we weren’t moving, it would have been done a long time ago. No, pet seat belts don’t work with cracker dogs. It took me a half hour to untangle Loki the last time I tried one. And believe me, I’ve tried every adjustment to keep it from tangling. Sigh. Damn cracker.

“Hey Big Boy, now that you’re an Iron Dog, let’s see how much Iron you’re really made of.”

“Princess, I’m all Iron. Pop says if you want to do a dog trial like me, you could do the Cream Puff trial.”

“Cream Puff, huh? You wanna find out which is stronger, cream or iron?”

“Boo! What a pansy! Scared of a little cream puff are you?”

“No way sister. You just caught me off guard.”

“Excuses…”

“Who you calling cream puff now, Iron Dog?”

Mr. Wild Dingo has dropped the gauntlet and has declared Juno to be a cream puff. There are rumors at school that another Iron Dog trial could be taking place before we move. If that’s true, Juno is stepping up to the plate (if there’s tri-tip on it of course). We’ll show those boys who the real cream puffs in this family are!

“That’s ridiculous. Clearly she can see there are two dogs on this bed.”

“Princess, did you know about this rule?”

“Huskies don’t do rules Big Boy. This duvet sure brings out the gold in my eyes.”

“Foiled again by my genetics! Pop, can we change that rule so I don’t break it?”

This shot is for Khyra. Have you ever seen paws crossed like this before?

All kidding aside: our policy stands. Both dogs know that bed privleges are invitation and special occasions only. That’s why it’s nice to have rules. So when you break them, it feels extra special.

Yet, some of Wild Dingo staff seem to be weathering the chaos without too much trouble. Would you agree? 

“What’s all the noise about? Can’t you see I’m working on my tan?”

“Big Boy, you sure are color blind. Can’t you see you’re already tan?”

“Princess, then maybe I should put some sun screen on those alabaster gams of yours. I wouldn’t want you to get burned.”
“Yawn. I wasn’t born yesterday. You’ll have to come up with a better line than that.”

“Hey waitress! We’d like two coconut Pawgeritas and some mixed nuts. Make it snappy.”

“Um Princess, do waitresses normally laugh like that when you order a drink?”

“Only when they aren’t expecting a tip.”

Well, I took her advice to heart and decided to try a different tool. 

What do you think? Is it working?

“Hey Principessa, whatchya doin’ up there?”
“Sitting atop my throne, contemplating how nice it is to be Queen.”

“It looks a little unstable Your Majesty, let me run a thorough security check to see if it passes inspection.”
“If you must.”

“Wow, it sure is dark in here but it appears empty. ”
“Just like your head, big boy.”

“Don’t get any ideas, stud. You’re still my minion.”
“I’m just checking the throne for safety Your Majesty.”

“Wow, can you believe we’re going to leave this plush forest for the land of milk and chocolate?”

“I know. It’s not like we can even eat those things. But I sure can’t wait to get my paws on that cow Pop was flirting with over there, behind our tails.”

“Oh Princess, that cow looked awfully big and scary. I don’t think I’d like to get too close to her.”

“Is it too late to exchange him for a real security dog with some chutzpah?”

“Like it’s a crime to be happy?” 

“Hmph! This does not look like a frosted bone from Bow Wowzer, Pop!”

“But Princess, here’s a delicious pigs ear for you.”
“You insult me. I did my job! I bounced out and greeted you happily.
A pigs ear re-gift is the best you got?”

“Juno, I’m so sorry. I will never forget to bring home the Welcome Home treat again.”

“Well, appology accepted. I suppose this pig’s ear will do.”
“Thank you Princess.”

“Humans are so difficult to train. Especially when you end up rewarding them by eating what they give you for a treat.”

“Tell me about it! The service in this joint stinks! Where’s the ice cold beverage to wash down this salty snack?”

Um, I’m not falling for it.

Postal

Gardener

Mad Cobbler

Cracked Out

Uninsurable

Masticatory Addict

Toof Addict

Passport Eater

Bully

Yup. I’m no fool. Or … am I?

Hey Juno, that Dogmes scarf sure brings out the color in your eyes.

“Ain’t nothing you can tell me I don’t already know.”

As usual, Juno wowed her audience with her tricks and good looks.  I have yet to fully understand why she enjoys putting on her vest and going to work. But she does and when she sees the hospital or nursing home from the car, she cries with anticipation.

Hey Juno, do you do this for the goo-goo eyes and wolf whistles that you get from  the crowd?

“I have come to the conclusion that my subjective account of my own motivation is largely mythical on almost all occasions. I don’t know why I do things.”

Sigh. Sibe logic never ceases to bewilder me.

Um, Loki?

“Ya mom?”

You have something on your nose…

“What? AGAIN?  But I don’t see anything!”

Mango Man! Loki cannot touch your suds-making ability, but occasionally he tries. We think you need to have a Suds-Making category in Mango Minster next year. Self-sudsing or perhaps sudsing closest pup or person next to you. Oh, we could see the contest now!

“Whatchya got there Daddy-O?”

“Looks like I got my pressie for my placing at Mango Minster cupcake!”

“Hey mom, do me a solid and open this thing!”

“Cool! It’s a calendar with a hot little doggie named Twinkie.”
“Typical. You get a pressie for being insane, and I get nothing for being a good sport.”

“Wow. Twinkie’s quite the looker!”

“But there’s something very familiar about her…”

“I just can not put my nose on what it is that is so familiar about her!”

“She’s one-eighth (divided by 2) my size!”

“Breathtaking! I shall call her … Mini Me.”

Thank you Twinkie! We love our calendar!

Wild Dingo is relocating from Northern California to Luasanne, Switzerland. I know. Insane. I can’t even freaking believe it myself. To answer the obvious: YES we can bring our dogs, with no quarantine.  That was the fist thing we thought about before we even considered the move.

Next question: Yes, it’s because Mr. Wild Dingo’s job is transferring him. Actually, he recommended himself for the new position in August, but a transfer from the U.S. to a Europe office takes a long time so we never really knew until Thanksgiving, when he returned home from a visit out there. That day he needed a beer.

Next question: Yes, we’re keeping our newly built mountain home. The transfer is temporary for two or three years. Which will fly by in a blink of an eye I’m sure.

Next question: We think the move won’t happen for two or three months. Though Mr. Wild Dingo’s new boss wants him to start immediately. So he’ll most likely be gone a lot until we move.

Next question: Yes, I’m working on paperwork and passports for Loki and Juno so they can travel easily throughout Europe. I mean, what else am I going to do there, work? Silly readers. Wild Dingo barely works as it is. Or at least, that’s what Mr. Wild Dingo says.  No instead, we’ll be working with a tutor (and not Dex’s tutor thank dog!). But this tutor will help us learn better French. We already speak it, but we want to speak it so they understand us. It’d be nice not to get pointed at and hear “silly American!” And my other activities there will be hopefully, dog training Loki in a sport, as well as day and weekend travel trips, Amelie-style with postcards of the two in famous places. Well, that’s the plan. Nothing ever goes to plan. I mean, we didn’t “plan” to move to Switzerland, did we?

Now for the Winners!

First, thank you all for playing my silly game. It was too fun and I hope to do more like it in the future. You all made me giggle every day and in this day, in this time, that is no small feat. So you are all winners in my book. And for that, Planet Blue Dog asked me to pass on this PAWESOME discount of 10% off if you mention the code: HOWLIDAYS.

The Winner of the Contest was Darwin of The Evolution of Darwin!

Darwin Won:

Chase It…Dogs Love It!
Fun for puppies, dogs, cats and people of all ages. Grab onto the ergonomic handle and move the toy in a circular, zig zag or lunging motion and watch your pets enthusiastic reaction! At first, most pets do not realize a human is activating it. A game of chase has never been this much fun! The toy is attached with a velcro strap and, therefore, is replaceable. The Chase-It collapses (telescopic) to 18″ and extends to about 48″.

Salmon Paws
Human-Grade Wild Salmon caught in the pristine waters of Alaska. Unlike many other salmon treats out on the market today, it is made from 100% Pure Salmon Meat with NO Bones, Fillers or other ingredients. Only the finest salmon is used to hand-make these premium pet treats. You can try it too! It makes an excellent training treat, because it brakes up easily into small pieces without crumbling.

And she also won:

A Pair of Jodhpurs!Designed specifically by Juno Belle Jodhpurs and fit exculsively for Darwin’s size.

Juno Belle Jodhpurs jodhpurs are low maintenance jodhpurs.No laundering and no pressing is required. Just floof, walk and be prepared for the compliments! 

And becuase I’m the boss and can change the rules of the contest, I’m announcing three runner-up winners who made me smile: 

1. The Bougalou Bear from Say What?  Oh my dog, that guess still has me smiling!
2. Dozer & Dotti of also Say What  because lingere in those colors, well, only clowns could get turned on by that.
3. Mack of Mack’s Mess, because he guessed “moving” first, but not the full news. Also because he really seems sad about missing panytloons and jodhpurs, and I’d like to give him a Christmas wish.

Each of you will receive a pouch of Salmon Paws from Blue Planet Dog and a free pair of Juno Belle Jodhpurs jodhpurs.  Please email me at info at wilddingo.com your shipping address and include a photo of your derrière  (that’s French for butt), so I can size them for you!

All of you made me laugh this week. And for those who guessed another puppy or a Swiss mountain dog puppy, you’d have to be crazy to think I’d get myself another dog. I have enough gray hairs. Anyone with more than two dogs in my book is officially whack-a-doo (but my kind of whack-a-doo).   Thank you so much for playing! I’m so glad I can take you with me to Europe via cyberspace!

 ”Voulez-woo coucher avec moi?”

“Oui.”

“It’s Monday? What’s a Monday? Is it a free treat?”

“It’s not a free treat? If I close my eyes real tight, can I make Monday go away?”

“Talk to the Jodhpurs, Monday, ‘cuz this sibe’s not listenin’. “

“Wake me up when it’s Friday.” 

I didn’t learn my lesson last summer. Nor did I learn it this October, or the following day. Juno has a thing for destruction and eating things, like Mini Coopers. I never posted what she did to my office once. Moldings, door jams, my beloved moleskin journals, all toasted.

In my defense, I was only going to the store which is about 90 seconds away from me by car. (No I can’t walk to it, it’s too rough terrain, seriously.)  And I was only going to be 5 minutes, which I’ve done before without her noticing, so it’s generally safe to do. But gee, it’s Thanksgiving and everyone in this country, you know, stops what they’re doing and eats and lounges all day long. So of course the corner market wouldn’t be open. So I had to drive all the way into town.

Yes, it was necessary. Mr. Wild Dingo happened to be coming back from a business trip on Thanksgiving. And, gasp! There was NO beer in the house. Jet Lag without beer is not to be trifled with at House of Dingo, so yes, it was necessary. Thank dogs I live in a state that sells beer in grocery stores, that has 24-hour supermarkets open on holidays. That’s all I have to say about that.

So not only did I leave her in the entire house (usually, they’re confined to mudroom, office and dog yard when I leave) but I left a pair of leather Dansko’s out. I had just relegated them to my yard shoes because I stepped in poo. I washed them and decided to retire them to the yard for good. I left them in the mudroom to finish drying. Juno decided that yard retirement wasn’t good enough and needed to demote them further.

So I sacraficed a decent pair of Dansko’s for Mr. Wild Dingo’s beer. I’m thinkin’ that elevates my status at any given time of my choosing.

 ”Ut oh Cupcake. You’re in soooooo much trouble!”
“I know this looks bad. But the evidence is circumstantial.”

“Ok, maybe I did. But its a sickness I tell ya. I need help. Guilty by reason of mastacatory insanity.”

Loki and Juno couldn’t resist Sugar’s fabulous idea to have a little fun and torch … err … torture a poor turkey, and probably a few vegetarians in the audience. 

(No turkeys were injured or killed in the production of the above photo. The views expressed above are not necessarily, yet could very well be, the views of Wild Dingo.)

Everyone at Wild Dingo is thankful for all our new found cyber-pals that make us smile every single day. There are some days we want to reach right through the screen and cuddle, wrestle, run, tug and even swim with you all. It warms us to have found bi-peds who are as silly as us and their amusing canine (and, gasp! feline) characters.

Thank you all for joining our challenging, yet entertaining (we hope) journey of life with dogs.

Happy Thanksgiving! Fluff your couch pillows and enjoy that trypto-faint!

PUPDATE: This morning Juno wouldn’t let me take her temperature. I guess things are improving. Though she gave me a scare last night with some panting, she drank some ice water and went to bed. When I did get around to testing her temperature today, it was 100.3, down from yesterday’s 101.5 and 101.2. Day before that was 102.1 and 101.9. So it seems to be dropping. Yesterday, though she could barely walk, she was confident enough to steal Loki’s tug. And she doesn’t like tugs. Just to remind him who’s boss. She’s full of piss-n-vinegar though and chased Loki until she wiped out because she’s not strong enough. Gosh, if the doc found out I accidentally let her run, I’d be reported or she’d be pup-napped. I can tell she’s getting stronger but she’s still very weak in the legs. I remember she walked like that a lot, long before she got ill, and I have to wonder if she was pre-disposed to weakness in this area or if it really can still be autoimmune arthritis, which really would strike when the dog gets ill in the first place.  Blood and joint cultures are still negative on bacterial growth but we still have until Sunday before we confirm a final result. Why she’s responding to antibiotics without finding the infection is scary and curious.

 Well, look who the cat dragged into the kitchen! We haven’t seen a husky in the kitchen whilst preparing dinner in far too long!

I approach and her propeller winds up. “Hi mom! I’m so happy to see you!”

“Must concentrate on propeller motor speed.”

“OK, propeller is up to speed. You may approach me with that tri-tip now.”

 Loki plays indifferent but he’s secretly happy to have his partner in crime back!

“Hey that dame at the end with the high kick looks familiar.”
“Can it Loki. Kick higher! We’re not going to make the cut with hamstrings like that.”